


The Dysfunctional Niffler

by Aeyergrin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, F/M, Fantasy, Humor, Nifflers (Harry Potter), Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeyergrin/pseuds/Aeyergrin
Summary: When Hagrid came to get Harry from the shack on the island he brought more than just a birthday cake, he brought a Niffler. Now Harry has 2 pets; Hedwig and Mr. Grabby. The adventure of Mr. Grabby through Hogwarts. How much chaos can Hogwarts truly survive with this new terror on the loose. (Niffler is main character in this.)
Kudos: 1





	The Dysfunctional Niffler

**Author's Note:**

> Harry Potter
> 
> This story is owned by me while the characters and setting are owned by Rowling.

July 31 1991

Boom. The whole shack rumbled and everyone except Dudley jumped up to stare at the door, someone was outside trying to break the door down. Boom they hit the door with more force than earlier causing Dudley to jump up and ask a stupid question which Harry didn't hear except for something about a cannon? There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came tumbling down the stairs with a rifle in his arms.

"Go away you freaks, he won't be going" He shouted to whoever was trying to force the door of it's hinges. For a moment everyone thought that whoever was at the door had stopped if there even was someone at the door; after all there was a storm happening outside at this very moment before everyone heard a loud crashing noise and the door flew off the hinges crashing into a wall.

A giant man with even more untidier hair then Harry squeezed his under the doorway before lifting the door that hit the wall up and putting it back into place causing the deafening storm's volume to lessen significantly.

"Couldn't have made us any refreshments could you?" The giant rumbled as he strode over to the sofa where Dudley and his Aunt Petunia sat stricken with fear at the intruder. "Budge up you two." The stranger told them, prompting them to squeak and shriek and run to hide behind Vernon who was also shivering in fear. "Ahh there you are Harry been quite a bit of trouble to get a hold of you." Said the friendly giant.

"You know me?" Harry questioned the giant who looked fairly surprised by the question. "Of course I knew you Harry, last time I saw you were still a baby. You look exactly as your dad did except for your mother's eyes." The giant responded causing Vernon to make a rasping noise that a cat would make before it threw up a hairball.

"I demand that you leave at once, freak you are breaking and entering." Vernon roared at the giant pointing the rifle at him.

"Ah shut up Dursley you great prune." The giant said before taking the rifle and twisting it into a pretzel. "Now Dursley don't be eating this pretzel, it ain't healthy for you." The giant chuckled before turning back to Harry. "Well anyway it's your birthday isn't it, I got something for you." The giant said before reaching into his overcoat and pulling out a package. "Go on, open it." He urged Harry.

Upon opening up the package Harry was delighted to see a pink birthday cake with green icing wishing him a happy birthday. "I might have sat on it a time or two, but it should still be fine. The stranger told him before reaching back into his overcoat and pulling out a cage which held a black duck-like creature sleeping in it. "Now that there is a Niffler, I'll tell you more about them later." He told Harry.

Harry looked up at the stranger and he honestly meant to thank him but his mouth was faster than his brain. "Who are you?" The giant chuckled before him.

"You're right I haven't introduced myself yet, Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts but you can call me Hagrid." He beamed at Harry before taking his arm and shaking it with enough force that Harry was practically being lifted off the couch. Leaning forwards to the empty fireplace Hagrid took a pink umbrella from his coat and suddenly a blazing fire was there.

When the Dursleys saw this it was Vernon that gathered the courage to speak first. "Don't touch anything he gives you, Dudley who knows what freakish things he's done to them." Causing Hagrid to release a dark chuckle. "Your son doesn't need to fatten up, I'm surprised he was able to get through the door much more so that you got through the door Dursley."

"Hagrid what is Hogwarts?" Harry asked the giant who looked dumbfounded. "What do you mean what's Hogwarts?." He questioned while seeing Harry shake his head and look at the floor before he turned to the Dursleys. "DURSLEYS" His voice thundered louder than the ongoing storm where it practically shook the shack causing the Dursleys to try and hide again. Turning back to Harry, Hagrid began to speak once more. "Don't you ever wonder where your parents learned it all; where you're gonna learn it all?" Hagrid questioned. "Learn what Hagrid?" Harry, still confused, asked the giant. "Magic; that's what you'll be learning at Hogwarts." He responded.

"Magic? But magic isn't real." Harry said, causing Petunia to gasp in horror and Vernon to respond in outrage. " STOP I FORBID YOU FROM TELLING THE FREAK." Vernon screamed at the giant in panic.

"Harry, you're a wizard." Hagrid told the eleven year old who looked shocked at this exclamation. "I'm a what?" He questioned still in disbelief. "A wizard of course." Hagrid told him before continuing. "A good one too with a bit of training. Now I reckon it's about time I gave you this." Hagrid told him before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out an envelope that was addressed in a dark green ink to Mr. H. Potter, The Floor, Hut on the Rock, The Sea. He pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Harry wasn't sure which question that was on his mind to ask next so he started reading the letter addressed to him a second time and then he asked his question. "What does it mean it awaits my owl? I don't have an owl." He told the Keeper of Keys. "Galloping Gargoyles I forgot about that." Hagrid exclaimed before reaching into his coat and pulling out a disheveled brown owl, a massive quill and a roll of parchment he then proceeded to write a note before rolling it up and giving it to the owl and walking to the door and opening for the owl to leave.

When the owl left, Hagrid closed the door before speaking. "Now where was I?" He said before Vernon came back and to yell at the giant. "He's not going." Prompting Hagrid to the chuckle at Vernon. "Oh and I suppose a great muggle like you is gonna stop him." Hagrid shot back which piqued Harry's interest. "What's a muggle Hagrid?" He asked the giant with a keen interest. "It's what we call the non magical folk like them. Bad luck too that you have the most unpleasant ones I've ever laid eyes on."

"We swore we would stamp out the freakishness, that we would put a stop to this rubbish." Vernon roared at Hagrid. "You knew that I was a wizard?" Harry questioned his family.

"Of course we knew." Petunia shrieked. "My sister's little devil spawn, of course you would be able to do those freakish things too. Teacups turned into rats, her pockets full of chocolate frog spawn bouncing over the house; everyone was so happy a witch in the family or a miracle child but I saw her for what she was. A freak, a monster, a little demon." She continued her rant only stopping for a minute to take a breath before continuing. "Then she met your freakish father and then they had you an abnormal little demon and then they finally got themselves blown up and we got stuck with you." She finished.

Harry paled upon hearing that before finding his voice. "Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash."

"A CAR CRASH?" Hagrid Boomed while jumping up with an immense ferocity that the Dursleys ran back to their corner. "How could a car crash kill the Potters? It's an outrage, a scandal that Harry Potter doesn't even know what happened when every other person in our world knows what happened that night." Hagrid spoke.

"Hagrid what happened to my parents?" Harry asked the giant with a bit of a stutter. " I had no idea this would happen, Professor Dumbledore did say there might be trouble trying to come get you and that you might not know much about our world but this." Hagrid began muttering to himself before telling Harry. "I'm not sure I'm the right person to tell you, but you have to know before going to Hogwarts someone needs to tell you." Hagrid told him.

"It began many years before you were born; a dark wizard started to rise into power he was known as You Know Who or He Who Must Not Be Named. Of course that ain't his actual name but there was a curse that if you spoke his true name then his followers would come and try to kill you. He and his followers were as bad as you can get, sinking to the lowest depths of depravity but he was the worst of all. Even now most people are too afraid to say his name a decade later. His name was." Hagrid stopped before taking a deep breath. "His name was Voldemort." Hagrid shuddered. "Now people stood up to him but he killed any that defied him or slighted him in any way. Now on Halloween he came to your parents house to kill them to get them out of the way and to wound Dumbledore; the only wizard he was afraid of. So on Halloween when he came to kill your family he killed your mother Lily and your father James when he then tried to kill you he couldn't. Some mystery happened after he tried to use an evil curse on you something happened to him. Most people say he's dead, others think that he's still out there waiting to reclaim his power. That scar of yours is where he aimed the curse to try and kill you; a cursed scar." Hagrid said solemnly.

"Load of rubbish that pathetic sob story is." Vernon had spoken up with his fist clenched as if he wanted to hit Hagrid. "You better listen boy I'll admit your very strange, abnormal and freakish but nothing a good beating won't solve; and this utter nonsense about your freaky parents there's no denying it that the world is far better off without their kind in it." Vernon told Harry as the giant leapt onto his feet with his umbrella raised right in between Vernon's eyes. "One word Dursley, utter one more word I'm warning you." Hagrid told Vernon, who went back to his corner with the rest of the Dursleys.

"He won't be going to your freaky hedonistic cult full of heathens that poses as a school. The freak is going to Stonewall High and he will be grateful for it. He doesn't need spell books or little wands, so don't count on him going." Vernon spoke towards both Harry and Hagrid.

"And how do you think you're gonna stop the son of Lily and James from going to the finest institute of magic in the entire world to learn under the greatest headmaster we have ever had Albus Dumbledore?" Hagrid asked the elder Dursley, causing his face to turn a violent purple shade. "I'M NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS." Vernon screamed at the giant.

This was clearly the wrong thing to say as before anyone could react Hagrid pointed his umbrella at Dudley who was now eating the cake and slashed downwards producing a violet light that shot out of the umbrella and hit Dudley that gave him a pig tail that would smack him every five seconds. While this happened the entire Dursley family rushed upstairs to get away from the other two occupants of the shack but not before sending out a wary glance at the pair.

"Be glad if you didn't tell anyone about that, not exactly supposed to do magic in front of muggles and I'm not supposed to do it either." Hagrid asked Harry. "Now off to bed, we have a busy day in the morning."

**Author's Note:**

> This story sort of follows Rowling's original series so there won't be much bashing save Death Eaters, Draco, Slytherins and Snape and there won't be marriage contracts or none of the other tropes.
> 
> I might have the pairing be different then canon ending.


End file.
